I Did It for Science: the Sex Toy Olympics

Nerve.com has the Rev. Jen Miller conducting an Olympics of Sex Toys.

Though New York lost its bid to host the 2012 Olympic games, New Yorkers can rejoice. I have vowed to keep the Olympic dream alive by presenting an event that doesn't require a billion-dollar stadium, athletic prowess or the approval of a committee: the first-ever Sex Toy Olympics. Honoring the ancient Greek traditions of athletic nudity and phallus veneration, a cavalcade of toys will be rigorously tested on my vag.

Materials:

- Glass dildos (six)
- Miscellaneous dildos (six)
- External vibrators (four)
- Internal vibrators (four)
- Talking vibrator (one)
- Vegetables (three)
- Pjur Basic lube (one bottle)
- Wet flavored lubricant (five-bottle variety pack)
- Horny Goat Weed (two pills)
- Batteries (approximately seventeen)
- Condoms

......

So it's the little mole from Germany that will take the gold, followed by the Swedish Lily in second place and the Japanese Pocket Rocket going home with the bronze.

I never thought I'd write these words, but I am now tired of masturbating. Give me four years, and I might feel differently.

Sounds like my ex-wife.